for my fellow Americans

read this if your heart is hurting

see below

I had zero plans of writing a new post here on Substack (in fact, I thought about leaving the platform more than once). But, when I almost started crying as my 4 year old proudly put together our United States of America puzzle, I felt the familiar tug to write, and share my experience in hopes of supporting others.

The realization I had is this: many of my fellow Americans and I are up to our eyeballs in ambiguous loss.

I don’t have the time nor interest in crafting paragraphs about what is happening, but it’s heartbreaking. So many things could have happened to prevent this unraveling, but they didn’t. They haven’t. The only thing we can do is wake up every morning, take a few deep breaths, and move through our day with as much presence and grace as we can muster. Some days will be better than others. Some will be awful.

If you can, please allow yourself two things:

1. Whatever your emotional state is, it’s valid. Please don’t hide it away, feel the need to defend it, or try to move around it instead of through. If you’re dealing with a personal/family/work crisis (or even just a challenging situation), handle that first. But do not minimize the emotional roller coaster you are on. It is important to remain aware and remember: you are not alone.

2. Once you’ve processed what you need to for today (or this week, or this month - depending on what you’re dealing with outside of the current Complete Insanity), do something for yourself. If you don’t know what to do, try: going for a walk, sitting in silence for 3-5 minutes, or breathing in for 4 and out for 6 (several times). Find whatever it is for today that will help you clear your mind and ground your body.

This kind of loss won’t fade quickly, and it will come out of nowhere. Visit my previous post on this topic, or Pauline Boss’s website to learn more. Talk to your therapist if you have one, or take steps to get one, if you can. Talk to a friend.

If you’re angry, dig in. If you’re numb, ask yourself why.

Leave a little wiggle room in your day, even if it’s just by leaving your phone out of the bedroom at night.

Let the layers fall away, and pay attention.

Sending love,

Nicole